Oh Lord everything is making me cry these days. I would tell you it’s the movies I’m watching, but that wouldn’t be the truth. It’s more likely pre-menopausal crap that I have no control over without taking some kind of hormone replacement, or worse. I ride the wave, I let it flow. Maybe I haven’t let things out most of my life. Maybe I haven’t cried all that much. Maybe it’s all built up inside and has no place to go. Am I sad? NO! I’ve accepted the changes life has brought me, and I think I am moving through phases pretty good. Maybe I had to go through all those things in order to get somewhere else. Maybe foreclosure and the elimination of material things that I used to put so much emphasis on, was more of an Awakening. Maybe part of this Awakening is the let go of not only things, but tears. Tears for my mom who died last year and the relationship I wanted, but never got. Tears for my home that I raised my beautiful daughters in. Tears for my divorce. Tears for the lack of relationship with my brother. Tears for my pets that slowly left this place. Tears for my girls growing up and moving onward and upward. Tears for Phyllis and her dementia and my lack of power to help. Maybe tears aren’t so bad. I still probably prefer to show them in private with my animals, while watching touching movies though.
Tears are the Prisms into my past. The past that made me ThIS. That girl that plays with dirt. Dirt that makes you smile, not cry.